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Following on from my last post I want to talk a bit more about Fame and “Celebrities”. I’ve said this before on twitter, we can’t hope to have equality when power structures like Fame and “Celebrities” exist. Before all this happened, I bought into it. I’ve always loved music and films and TV shows. When I was little I used to read all of those pop magazines that had the posters in. I loved my girl bands and boy bands and singers. You look up to them. Not just as a kid but as an adult, you see these people as above you in some way because they’re on the TV or on the Radio or in a magazine. Until a few years ago I used to see them in this way. Not any more. One because I connected with them and they were giving me attention and I felt like I was on “their level” and two, because these people that I looked up to, that I admired for so many years let me down.

Because of low self esteem, poor boundaries and people pleasing that stems from trauma I accepted a lot of unacceptable behaviour and like I said, I thought this is just how it is when you’re in the public eye and that it comes with the territory. But it’s not just me that has to take responsibility, it’s them as well, who should have known better. I was nothing but nice to them. My blog was full of posts about my mental health and what I was going through at the time. I even posted about how much the hacking and spying bothered me. They still proceeded to do it. So what was I supposed to do. Accept yet another disappointment and crumble and give up, this time on a scale that was unfathomable. I mean the whole word virtually. Or go along with it and pretend it’s ok and it doesn’t hurt. Well I’m done pretending. You hurt me. I can only assume that it’s been happening to you for so long now that you’re numb to it and it’s just normal to you. For someone who was clearly unstable, it was a thoughtless move. With everything that I’ve been through I don’t know how I haven’t killed myself yet to be honest. Sometimes I wish I just died when I took an overdose at 17. Would have saved a lot of pain.

Something that I’ve realised though, is these people are people too. It’s not that I didn’t know that before it’s just that after connecting with some of them I can see them, I mean really see them. I think with TV and especially in the age of social media, all we see of someone is a 2D, flat image. This makes it a lot easier for other people to hurl abuse or judge because they’re not real to them. And we only see certain aspects of their lives, mostly the glamorous parts. So we’re not seeing the whole picture and we’re missing a whole other dimension to someone. Their hearts, their minds, their souls. I know artists express themselves through their work but I’m talking about connecting with people, not just people connecting with their work. This is changing though and I suppose one good thing about social media is that they can share more with their fans and the world and connect with them instantly. Which can reverse the dehumanization game the media loves to play.